The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
he shaved USA in his pubs
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Randomize
