I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize