I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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