I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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