she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
