She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
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