i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
