I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Randomize
