people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
This house was built for laser tag.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
