We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
