We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
and she was petting her beer can
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
