If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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