so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
