Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
