Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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