So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
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My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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