hell yes lets make some ravioli
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
