If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
we should paint friendship bongs
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