well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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