Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
