i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
