Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
