I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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