I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
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We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
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If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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