the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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