Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
