thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
