I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
