Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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