so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Crop dusting thru forever 21
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
