YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
