Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize