she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
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