This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
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