i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
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