I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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