it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
stop calling my apartment porn island.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
