Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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