So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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