haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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