so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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