if you like me you must not know who I am
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
