Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(847): View more from Illinois

Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight

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(847): Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight http://tfl.nu/3mek

Replies (17) Good night (3250) Bad night (735)
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(619): View more from California

He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.

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(619): He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting. http://tfl.nu/l79o

Replies (58) Good night (999) Bad night (3780)
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(760): View more from California

Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.

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(760): Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros. http://tfl.nu/aucf

Replies (19) Good night (732) Bad night (3610)
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(563): View more from Iowa

Your favorite bartender is back from prision

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(563): Your favorite bartender is back from prision http://tfl.nu/uuje

Replies (12) Good night (6604) Bad night (940)
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(319): View more from Iowa

In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.

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(319): In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums. http://tfl.nu/weac

Replies (36) Good night (7124) Bad night (833)
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(262): View more from Wisconsin

Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.

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(262): Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile. http://tfl.nu/y44t

Replies (27) Good night (868) Bad night (7194)
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(203): View more from Connecticut

Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?

(1-203): View more from Connecticut

I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.

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(203): Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin? (1-203): I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight. http://tfl.nu/pi9j

Replies (19) Good night (1704) Bad night (6424)
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(727): View more from Florida

A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!

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(727): A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend! http://tfl.nu/ajdu

Replies (12) Good night (3658) Bad night (851)
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(405): View more from Oklahoma

I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.

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(405): I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny. http://tfl.nu/uleh

Replies (30) Good night (5849) Bad night (1278)
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(620): View more from Kansas

I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.

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(620): I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks. http://tfl.nu/lsv9

Replies (12) Good night (6187) Bad night (1060)
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(973): View more from New Jersey

Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.

(1-973): View more from New Jersey

Wow. Its not even 11am.

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(973): Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house. (1-973): Wow. Its not even 11am. http://tfl.nu/p3yd

Replies (3) Good night (3203) Bad night (1196)
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(512): View more from Texas

studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing

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(512): studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing http://tfl.nu/zch9

Replies (12) Good night (1691) Bad night (806)
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(304): View more from West Virginia

I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.

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(304): I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying. http://tfl.nu/hrb6

Replies (6) Good night (1002) Bad night (324)
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(513): View more from Ohio

My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.

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(513): My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low. http://tfl.nu/k9vt

Replies (3) Good night (290) Bad night (571)
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(206): View more from Washington

I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans

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(206): I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans http://tfl.nu/fx44

Replies (0) Good night (366) Bad night (181)

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