We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
29 Unspoken Rules Of “Bro Code”
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM