did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed