mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
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he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
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I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.