i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.