Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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