i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
