i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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