What did we do last night that was yellow?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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