Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
two words: eviction party
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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