Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
