I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
