I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I love you. Go after that dick
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize