why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
