The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
