If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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