New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
