Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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