I like to think it a success when the cops are called
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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