The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
