o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
