I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
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I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
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When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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