"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
