What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
