the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
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So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
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I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
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