I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
