The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
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She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
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the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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