I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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