i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
