No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
